internalterror

Well its been a super long time since i have posted anything so i figured i would update a little bit of whats going on. Nothing really exciting happened for the past month up until this weekend. Manuel came down and we spend a lot of time with his family and i got to know them and it was fun. We got all dressed up and went to his cousins quincera[i can't spell it] and it was lots of fun. We took some pictures and they actually didn't turn out that bad. So basically life is boring till Manuel visits =)

i didn't feel good after school and i came home and had a little to eat then had to fun into my work to talk to them and ended up staying there for like an hour or so and then i came home and i had to help my mom with some work and things and i kept complaining that i didn't feel good and so she took my phone when she saw me text manuel and sit down and then i fell asleep and wheh i got up i text him but i think he is mad at me because i didn't call him when i told him that i would after i eat...
so basically i feel really shitty and i am sad because i think he is angry with me...
its hard for me right now....
i love him so much i don't know what i am going to do if he is mad at me

So this morning when i got up Jay was sitting at the end of my bed...
and i was all confused and things because she didn't come in last night.
well apparently she slept outside me window again and my mom found her this morning soaking wet in the mud.
so she took a show and got dressed in my clothes and sat there and watched me sleep for like four hours =]
it made me laugh so hard...
and then we went in the pool and she was like not able to swim and it reminded me of my lovely Manuel =]
he use to tell me a story about how he forgot he couldn't swim and that's what happened to jay.
and then i started to think about how much i miss him and love him...
and so i called my boss to see if i could get this up-coming weekend off and he said no =[
so now i am sad because i don't get to see him.

So today I was pretty torn, the love of my life is moving away for college and I wont be able to be seeing him for a while. I was sad, but extremely happy because I know he is going there to complete his dreams and get where he wants to be in life. Although it is going to be difficult for me not being able to see him, it will just make the time we have together so much better and meaning full. He made me a beautiful photo album which he gave to me this morning on his way to San Diego. But there was supposed to be one plus to my day, I was getting a new phone, which was going to mean the world to me and it was going to be such a nice phone. But then suddenly last minute my dad changed his mind and i was not allowed to buy the phone because he didn't want to lend me a little bit of money for a month. I can't believe he did that. So basically I am mad, and have no phone, and no way to talk to one boy that can make this whole day better.